i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
