you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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