I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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