Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
