I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I cut my penus on the lid.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize