Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
