i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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