I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
