Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
