Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
please come you make the beer taste better
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
