He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
