I just saw a hot homeless man
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
