I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
