dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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