nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
