so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
