i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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