i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
