This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
