yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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