It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
