"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
