Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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