I wish my penis had an off switch
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
