Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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