i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
