I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found your dick twin last night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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