I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want her autograph on my taint
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize