I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Alive.
So much puke
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
