Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
