wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
