Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so let's talk penis.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
