you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
