Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
