I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
