Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
