I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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