R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
