last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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