my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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