is wine microwaveable?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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