Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
