bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
