The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
