you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i will never coherently bang her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
