i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
