Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
