The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
