Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
