Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
