can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
