i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
