Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
