this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
