you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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