im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
