we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
should my penis look like a turkey
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
