he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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