Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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