haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
