I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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