I hate all girls vehemently.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
