it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
