no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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